It has been a busy spring and early summer around the Long house. We have hosted several parties and family get-togethers so I have been rather busy mowing, trimming, weeding and planting in the front yard, along with endlessly dragging the hose around and setting the sprinklers. I have dug up endless tree roots, filled low spots, cut down high spots, strongly encouraged the dog to do his 'business' elsewhere, and in general have babied my front yard. The hammock in the picture is mostly for show, and outside of one glorious occasion, it hasn't been used. This is the part of my yard that you see if you come visiting, or are lost and end up at the end of my dead end road. It is a decent first impression, right?
In contrast, this is my back yard. This is the part that you don't see because it is behind the fence. In recent years, I have run new water and electrical lines through it, removed trees, and largely ignored it. To be honest, it is something that I always planned to 'get around to'. It has one of the finest outdoor basketball courts in all the land, with 12,000 watts of light for those intense night games. The lights are so bright, I am sure you can see them from space. There is a fantastic playground too, and a foundation for a future cabana, complete with bathroom and kitchen. This could be the crown jewel of my property, instead I keep the gate shut when someone comes over and I hope they won't see it from the window inside the house. It is embarrassing.
In recent months, a close friend told me, "The grass is greener where you water it'. How true, not only in my own yard, but also in my life. It has been true in my marriage(s), with my kids, my career, and with my friends. Any regular attention, like water, caused those things to flourish, while neglect allows the same things to wither and die. Often, I have been concerned with the things you can see in front of the fence, when the 'crown jewel' is hidden and neglected. It has been one of my hard lessons and one that I am intent on not repeating.
How true this is of any of our relationships with others, particularly a marriage or significant relationship. Too often we admire someone else's crown jewel while neglecting our own, and we lose the rich rewards that are already within our grasp. The grass MAY be greener on the other side of the fence, because someone is taking care of it. Look behind your own fence, chances are you have an opportunity to green things up at home.
PS I wanted to say 'drag your hose around at home, but it seemed unseemly.
PSS. Sorry mom. I know it was going well until that 'drag your hose' thing
Daren, thank you!!! Once again you have inspired me! After reading this I went out and walked around my yard. Ugh!!!!! What a mess!! The son and his friends and my grand kids have nearly destroyed the back yard! It is so neglected that it looks like it's abandoned!!! I am ashamed that I have not paid more attention to these sort of things because of living in my own little shell (my bedroom). Sad but very true! Thank you once again for your inspiration I came in and drew on graph paper what I want to be done to my little house and I AM going to do it!! It could be so lovely to go outside and sit in with just a little care. I will tell you this it is going to be scary as hell to do it because I fear the unknown but by heavens I am going to do it! That being said. You are so right and hit the nail on the head when you speak about relationships. I will speak on the behalf of a woman's perspective. Before I start I want it known I left my ex and did so to see if he would change and he didn't! Any ways as a woman we live every moment of every second thinking of our families and that most certainly includes her hubby! We think what would he like for dinner, what does he enjoy, what are his interests, and the biggest question what can I do so he knows I love him so very much??? What can I do to make him the happiest man on earth? Then we do our very best to commit to making everything that her hubby wants, likes, loves a part of our lives! I was married to a mommas boy and to walk into your in-laws and your grown husband is sitting on his moms lap and they are hugging each other made me very uncomfortable but did I say anything? No, why? It made him happy! Many things he did were so against my beliefs and my morals and I stayed because I was committed to this marriage. Some may say I am stupid but I don't believe I was. I was a woman immensely in love, and every little ugly thing he did slowly chipped away my love I had for him, as a woman that is. So I asked him to leave and he did. Me hoping he would miss what we meant to him, or hoping he would come back. It didn't take long for him to move on and believe it or not it nearly destroyed me! For 3 years my life was hell I fought every second of my life with the demons that are inside telling you to just end it that I wasn't worth anything that who could ever love me! I am fat, old, I have a disability, I have a son who in their right mind could ever love me for just me????? That part is still to be seen if it will ever happen. I am worth something! I am a good mom, a better grandma and I love teaching kids!! So as far as validation in loving someone I say you are completely right! Value above all else YOURSELF, without that nobody will value you who you are, then when you find that someone (this is what I intend to do) show that person what they mean to you and NEVER forget who they are and what would your life be without them in it and show them and show them and show them!!!! Communicate, validate, appreciate!!!
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